2020《纽约时报》最佳文书出炉﹙下﹚

申请者：kaya cerecedes-crosby

申请院校：卫斯理学院

文书内容：

twist, bend, through the loop. repeat.

it took me a month to crochet my first blanket. one month of twisting, bending, sending my hook through the loop, and repeating. it was an almost meditative pastime. i spent bus rides and evenings working on my blanket, determined to finish.

i learned to crochet so that i could feel closer to my mother. i poured my heart into every stitch. each square of the blanket meant something different; the colors represented memories. it was a summary of my life.

green double treble crochet stitches take me back to the smell of wet pine needles in the spring, laughter from my sisters climbing high on tree limbs, the curve of mountain roads. green is the forest of my childhood, sheltering my first home. i taste the smoke from our old wood stove and see the oil lanterns flickering in and out. the cabin in the woods where my sister was born, water from the river that she took her first bath in.

green fades into blue as squares meet, treetops brush the sky. i see myself, young and spinning across a playground with my classmates. i am at my one-room schoolhouse, holding hands with the two other children in my grade and lying with our backs on grass, looking up at the never-ending sky. we whisper dreams of becoming doctors, actors, artists.

i see the blue of california oceans as i leave for high school, finding my home away from home. pine trees replaced by palm trees and sand between my toes. i recall beach cleanups and surfing trips, touching shy sea anemones in tide pools. blue paint on signs for women’s marches and the sound of people beside me who want to be heard. we demand equality.

purple is for my mother. it’s her favorite color. it reminds me of her strength and determination. i feel her calloused hands from work on the farm, work in the field, and chemical burns from cleaning jobs. i smell her earthy clothes as she studies at the kitchen table, determined to finish her homework so that she can finally graduate college after decades of trying. i see the violet sky at dawn; when the sun rises so does she. mother up at twilight to start her day, breath released in freezing clouds as she milks the goats and feeds the chickens, never disappointing the hungry mouths that depend on her. each day, i recall the things she has given up for my sake. her sacrifice and desire for me to succeed encourage me to be better and work harder. yet, i desire more. i do not want to live like her, i want better.

red stitches are passionate outbursts. angry shouts from dad as he returns in the middle of the night, breath sour from drinking. tears of happiness after receiving his first chip for a year of sobriety. screams echoing from my biological father’s mouth as he hurls threats that sting like arrows as his disease makes him chase his family away. scarlet stitches of fear during our six months without a roof over our heads after he forced us from our home. pain in my sister’s eyes after she begged for help from friends with deaf ears. promises that we will keep her safe, and check-in calls after i leave home.

twist, bend, through the loop. repeat.

each stitch is a part of me. i rarely relive these aspects of my upbringing, but i call on them when i need to be reminded of my strength. when i completed the blanket, i cried. i was proud. i made this. this is me.

参考译文

起针，引线，穿过线孔，重复。

我花了一个月的时间编织了我的第一条毯子。一整个月内，我都在起针，引线，针穿过线孔，不断重复。这是一段可以让人冥想的闲暇时光。我决心要织好它，在公交车上，在晚上休息时，我都在织它。

我想更加贴近我的母亲，因此才开始学习编织。每一针我都全身心地投入。毯子的每个角落都有不同的涵义，每一种颜色都是一段记忆。这个毯子也是我一生的总结。

绿色的三重钩针针脚带我回到春天的湿松针味中，我的姐妹们高高地爬在树枝上，开心地笑着，远山上道路蜿蜒。绿色是我童年的森林，森林里有我的第一个家。我可以闻到旧木头炉子里冒出的烟，可以看到油灯忽明忽暗。可以看到树林中的小屋，我妹妹就在那里出生，我们在小河边第一次为她洗澡。

毯子的两部分相遇时，绿色渐变成蓝色，树梢掠过天空。我看到年幼的自己，和同学们在操场上旋转。我看到自己在只有一间教室的学校里，与同年级的其他两个孩子手拉手躺在草地上，望着无边无际的天空。我们悄悄地梦想成为医生，演员，艺术家。

转眼我高中毕业了，我看到加州海洋蔚蓝，发现了我的另一个家。记忆中的松树被棕榈树和趾间细沙取代。我记得海滩清理和冲浪旅行，记得潮汐池中害羞的海葵带来的触感；记得女子游行的标志上有蓝色的油漆，还记得我旁边人的高声呐喊。记得我们对平等的呼吁。

紫色是给我妈妈的。这是她最喜欢的颜色。它使我想起她的力量和决心。她工作在农场的田间地头，劳作和清洁药剂粗糙了她的双手；她二十年来坚持读书，现在还在努力做着作业，想从学校毕业，当她在厨房的桌子上学习时，我闻到了她带着泥土味道的衣服。我看到黎明时紫罗兰色的天空；太阳升起时，母亲也起来了，在暮色中开始新的一天。她在晨雾薄云中呼吸着，在给山羊挤奶，喂鸡，从不抱怨家中嗷嗷待哺的一张张嘴。我每天都回想起她为我而放弃的事情。她的牺牲和她的希冀一直在鼓励我，让我变得更好，更加努力。但是，我又希望更多。我不想像她一样生活，我想要更好。

红色的针头是感情的爆发，是爸爸在半夜回家时愤怒的大叫，喝酒后的他呼吸都带着酸味；是爸爸戒酒一年终于拿到筹码后幸福的眼泪；是我亲生父亲的尖叫，他的病情让他把我们都赶出家门，他的威胁与怒吼像射出的箭一样打中了我。猩红的线象征着我们被赶出家门的六个月内，无家可归的恐惧，象征着姐姐在求朋友帮忙却遭拒绝后红了的眼睛；象征着我们一定会确保她安全的诺言，也象征着我离家后的电话。

起针，引线，穿过线孔，重复。

每处针脚都象征着我的一部分。我很少重温我的成长过程中的这些点滴，但当我需要力量时，我就会回忆起它们。当我完成毯子时，我哭了。我很自豪。我成功了。这就是我。

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